I realized that there is a risk of the customs agency here in Germany finding out who I am after I write this…and then I will never be able to pick up another package at customs without having to jump through many more hoops than usual – but those people just make me nuts and anyone who may be living in Germany will undoubtedly encounter these people at least once…so considered yourself warned!!

Since we moved here in August 2001, I have been in 3 different customs offices; one for each house/city we’ve lived in. The first one was a pain but I think we were only in there twice – one of which was when we got to pay taxes on a very special wedding gift that was a surprise from a friend in the US.

Then we moved close to Darmstadt and that customs office was a dream. The people working in there were always super friendly. I was short a penny once and started to head out to the car to get one when one of the guys opened his drawer and pulled one out for me. I actually looked forward to getting things via customs because of those people.

And that brings us back to the lovely office I get to visit now in Hanau. The people working in there move slower than sloths…and there have actually been times when we saw the “workers” just sitting in front of their computer staring the background image. It was the pretty windows tropical island shot so perhaps he was visualizing himself there…but he spaced out at least 10 minutes which was quite a feat.

So today I already assumed I would have a problem. The wrong way to go in there but what can I say. Actually I told Stefan before I left that I was looking forward to having more fun stories to share when I got home. I walked into the office and there were 3 guys working in there. One was helping someone in the post “section” (they’ve built a little doorway within the office that you have to walk into to be serviced) and the guy told me to sit outside.

I take a seat and then start taking notice of the other two guys in the office. Apparently they are not qualified to handle processing post packages, asking the customer what is in the box and looking up the percentages owed in their little book. So I sit there 10 minutes until the lady in front of me finally leaves. I get called in and hand over my paperwork. This was the guy’s lucky day because I happened to be picking up 3 large boxes (1 our new stroller, 1 the car seat that goes with it and a box of supplies from my company).

He asks what is in the boxes. So I start with the paperwork in his hand. You are supposed to bring a receipt of what is in the box and what you paid. Naturally I have all this in English because everything was from the US. I explain what everything is and point out which items they are on each receipt.

The guy (who was probably close to 60), looks and everything and then at me with a sort of dumb look. I know I’m now in trouble. So we start again. He points to the looooooong receipt from Babies R Us and says, “The stroller was $500.”

“No,” I responded. The stroller and car seat which are here are only the first two items on this receipt. $129.99 and $79.99.” He seems to find it confusing but writes it on his form. Then things get really complex…

As I mentioned, one of the boxes was stuff from my company, some shaving oil & jelly, plus little bottles, which we’ll be giving out as samples. The customs notice they mail out says to bring the original bill of sale…so I did. But that bill was for significantly more money than I’d shipped to myself to I itemized things down for them on the bill. That, again, was mind blowing and the guy kept trying to wrap his mind around the concept that I had only a portion of an order in the box he had sitting in his back room. Apparently he had never heard of repackaging stuff and fussed that I can’t do things this way and so on. So I said if he’d tell me just what he needed I would go and create that for him and bring it back. But I think he just wanted me out of his office by then so he gathered everything up and went to his desk to start looking up numbers.

Ten minutes later, he finally hands me two stapled stacks of paperwork with tax codes, percentages and total values of the packages. Next stop – the cashier. There I find one of the guys who had been staring at his computer screen before. Lovely.

Surprisingly, he sits down and starts working on the paperwork. Right on. He types, switches to a second computer, makes a phone call, complains about the speed of the computer….and then reaches a sum. I pay the surprisingly low sum and you would think we’d be done – but oh no. The cashier then hand writes two receipts of the amounts due (two sets of paperwork, ya know) and finally says we are done. Another 10 minutes killed.

By now I notice that the hallway in front of the post pickup is quite full. There are at least 10 people standing there and more arriving every few minutes. But what is fantastic is that inside the office is a new guy sitting at one of the desks, doing who knows. And the post guy has closed the door to the package room and disappeared. A long line of people outside, the guy has been back at work 1 hour (the office is open Mon-Fri 7:10am – 12:00 and 12:45 – 3pm)… but all that work I put him through (and the women before me) just wore him out. Awesome.

Thankfully, I just took my packages and got outta dodge before things got ugly. I think the people standing in the hall were ready to jump me as I walked by with each of the three big boxes. They may not have wanted what I had but I’m not sure they cared as long as they could leave with something.

Hopefully the next episode will be a bit less eventful, but I’m sure that won’t be the case. I just know I won’t be going in there near Christmas or New Years if possible. Stefan went to pick something up last year and one of the guys was actually carrying a firearm. Talk about terrifying! Lord help us all if one of those guys loses it!