Hello my dog friends!
Hope you’re all having a bark-o-licious week out there. It’s been raining a lot here so I’ve been catching up on lots of sleep…but I heard a rumor from a very nice man who gave me some treats that the weather is supposed to get a bit better over the next few days, so I’m hoping to lounge in the sun a bit more with these nice cool temps we’ve had. Being a dog can be SO stressful!
Something totally exciting happened this week. I don’t know if you guys remember him, but I have a stuffed dinosaur friend who is almost as big as I am. I found him on the street and carried him home myself and I was so proud of him that I promptly chewed off his leg. Before I could properly finish my lyposuction procedure, Mom took him away and placed him in the ICU. It was FOREVER until he came out and I almost immediately chopped off his leg again as soon as I could (he’s got Body Integrity Identity Disorder, you see, and wants to be an amputee.) But Mom refuses to let a good leg go to waste, so she keeps sewing it right back on. Dinosaur has been on vacation or something for a few months, though, and he finally reappeared on Monday, much to be pleasure. I have not yet removed his leg (we’re waiting for a private moment when Mom won’t see so I can dispose of the leg or chew it beyond recognition so he can live out his life as a three-legged dinosaur as he wishes) but I have started showing him large amounts of love. What do I mean by that? Well, I’m humping him of course! Doesn’t everyone show love like that??
My parents seem a bit worried. I’ve heard them discussing my marking behavior also. You see, I don’t like to squat most of the time when I pee. Instead I raise a leg, post my pee-mails and move on. They don’t understand that this is not only a matter of not getting my privates wet on the damp grass, but it’s also a matter of time. I have SO much pee-mail to answer every day that I simply cannot be bothered to squat. This may result in me getting some extra urine on my legs, but it’s a small price to pay. I’m a busy girl!
I will report that I rarely hump humans. If I do, I am usually SUPER excited about them or haven’t seen them in a while. And dinosaur is the first toy I have ever humped. I seem to have the parents stumped as to why I might be doing this. But Mom was fussing at me today and kept making me stop touching dinosaur every time I started to hump him. Hence he’s been laying in her office most of the day. What fun is he to play with if I can’t show him who the boss is? So now my parents are trying to determine whether my behavior is a dominance issue…or if I’m acting out about the loss of our leather couch (even though they did keep my chair – which I have not laid in once, out of protest)…or am I just so excited to have dinosaur back that I can’t control myself around him? Or could it be that in German, the word dog has a male article accompanying it (der Hund) and when people talk to me, they always refer to me as “he?”
Heck, I don’t know. But I hope they’re not going to keep taking dinosaur away from me at night. That’s what Dad did last night and it was awful! Dino had to stay in Mom’s office all night and we could barely even talk through the door. He gets lonely in there, folks!
Anyway, I hope all of you are not being banned from your toys and fun – and that you have some nice weather to frolic and play in the rest of the week. I’m back to sleeping for the next 24 minutes until I go ring the dinner bell in Mom’s face!
Newfie kisses galore!!
Ayla
