1. Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
  2. Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
  3. Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle” the ” Chrysler Beagle”?
  4. Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
  5. Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
  6. Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
  7. Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
  8. Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
    • I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
    • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
    • The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
    • The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.
    • The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
    • I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
    • Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying “hello”.
    • I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table
    • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.
    • I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
    • I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
    • The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?