If you talk to anyone who has been married for 40 plus years, they will tell you that marriage is not easy. It takes a lot of work, a lot of patience, and plenty of understanding. As your life changes, the dynamics of your marriage can change as well. Financial problems, children, and busy everyday lives can create new problems in a marriage that may not have been there in the beginning. If you are having troubles in your marriage and you are worried that you are heading for a divorce, you need to strengthen your marriage before it is too late. Fortunately, there are steps that you can take to put your marriage on a happier, healthy path.
Stop Looking At Divorce As a Solution
There are many married couples who hit a bumpy road and start talking about divorce immediately. They look at divorce as the easiest solution to the problem. When you see this as a simple solution, working and fighting for the marriage may seem like too much work. When you look at divorce as a solution, you will lose the motivation to take the necessary steps to make things better. If things in your marriage are rocky, keep divorce out of your mind.
Communicate
If you are struggling in your marriage, things aren’t going to get better unless you start communicating with your spouse. Silence is just as bad as fighting. The only difference is that if you are keeping everything inside, it will only make things worse. Eventually, everything will build up and boil over, resulting in an argument that you might not be able to come back from. If there is something bothering you, talk to your spouse.
Communication, when things are bad, is important, however, communication, when things are great, is equally as important. If you want your marriage to remain happy and healthy, you need to communicate. Talk regularly about your life, your feelings, and your dreams and hopes for the future. Communication can bring a level of intimacy into the marriage that sex cannot.
Don’t Forget About the Romance
It is important in a marriage to find time for romance. Once the romance starts to fizzle, the marriage will as well. If you feel that your marriage is falling apart, it is even more of a reason to find time for romance. If you and your spouse are able to find time alone, there is a good chance that you will be reminded of why you fell in love in the first place. If you are able to get your marriage back on track, remember what forgetting about romance almost did to your marriage so that you don’t let it happen again.
Stop Keeping Score
When married couples have fights, it is not uncommon for spouses to keep score. Each time a fight erupts, old issues come back. One spouse will bring up something that their spouse did in the past in hopes of winning the fight. Keeping score won’t help one spouse win a fight, instead, both spouses lose when they keep score. Nothing can destroy a marriage faster than bringing up old issues on top of the current ones. You need to learn to forgive each other for past indiscretions and then leave them in the past. If you can do this, you can keep your arguments from snowballing into something serious that could end the marriage.
Stop Working Against One Another
Married couples should be a team. It is the only way that things are going to work. You should function as a team in all facets of your life. When it comes to parenting, couples should work together. The same is true with housework, yard work, and even helping to further each other’s careers. When couples work against each other, it will only create more problems in the marriage. When you are on your spouse’s team and they are on yours, it will make the marriage stronger.
Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
If things in the marriage seem so bad that they are beyond repair, don’t be afraid to ask for help. A marriage counselor can give you and your spouse the tools necessary to repair your marriage and to get things back on track. If you are willing to sacrifice an hour or two of your week, it can be what you need to strengthen your marriage and avoid a painful divorce.
If your marriage is in such turmoil that you aren’t sure that it can be repaired, you should contact a good family lawyer. Even if you aren’t ready to file for divorce, it is good to know what your options are.
