Like many women in this world today, I wear many hats in this household. I run a business from home and I am also responsible for maintaining our house on a day-to-day basis. I struggle to find a balance between the two and perhaps that is because there always seems to be a million and five things I need to get accomplished. My to do lists have to do lists, and there is an endless supply of things that can/should be done but never enough time. Perhaps if I had about 5 robots or a few clones…but generally I feel overwhelmed with everything there is to achieve.
Unfortunately, I also have trouble letting go of control and delegating tasks to people that want to help. I am a control freak and although I may know I cannot do everything myself, I just cannot bear to let someone else step in either. I have recently gotten a tiny bit better about this, letting people help me in the kitchen if we have a party or dinner with friends…but I still struggle with it. And my husband will tell you many times over how I drive him up the wall, trying to tell him how to do things. I’ll tell him how to do everything from measuring flour for a recipe to vacuuming. It’s not that I’m trying to be mean, but rather that I want to help him be more efficient (which of course means doing it “my” way.) Instead what I should do is just leave the room or look the other way when I want to say something; because any criticism at all generally makes him just tell me to do it myself.
Plus I just don’t know how to shut my mouth sometimes…or keep myself from sounding bossy or curt when I really don’t have a reason to bite someone’s head off. I usually do have the best intentions – and I have to wonder if I will be able to curb this once Mackenzie gets here. Even as a child I used to tell my dad or others when they weren’t doing things “right” (i.e. the way Mom did it.) I guess that’s something I never quite lost.
So here’s hoping that I can find some therapy in this blog yet again and that I can stop being bitchy to people who don’t deserve it; especially my husband. Yes, he’s short tempered with me from time to time – but snapping back at him never makes the situation better. And he works extremely long hours at a job he currently hates. If I can just get this house in better order, I think it will make us both feel better. We’ve got some redecorating projects coming up so maybe it will help. And maybe I should be making more lists that actually structure my day instead of just listing what needs to be done…cause clearly that’s not helping me either. Oi. How do the great homemakers of this world keep it all together??
